New job again

So recently my job search strategy expanded to include ones that weren't necessarily related to what I wanted to do but that I could do anyway. For a couple of reasons. One, when you need income, you can't afford to be picky. Two, the jobs I would want would be easier to get once I have my coaching certification, which I don't yet. And since I'm starting the training for it this month, why not have a job that's purposely unrelated so I'll be able to more easily focus on it (the coach training) when I'm home? In other words, a job that will only require my attention when I'm there. Further along this line, I thought something part-time would be ideal. But I got offered something full-time. As an enrollment specialist for a company that sells Medicare Advantage plans. I debated at length about it, but decided to take it because I feel like it's something I could do that wouldn't be too terrible (I don't have to be on the phones too much, it's more dealing with application processing) and my mind wouldn't be dead like at some jobs I've had in the past. I'd actually be busy and using my brain (there's a 2 week training where we have to learn all about Medicare). And the scheduling is nice in that we can come in any time between 7:30 and 9:30 am as long as we put in 8 hours. It's been a while since I worked full-time so I don't know how much of a challenge it'll be for me time-wise with my coach training and sleeping and work-life balance and all that...but I guess I'll see. I just didn't want to pass up the opportunity because who knows how long I would've gone before finding something else? It's true that by the end of my coach training I SHOULD be able to get the job I want that I went back to school for and that will make me happy (helping people be healthy), so it's not like I'll be processing medicare applications forever. But another small part of me is, weirdly enough, looking forward to getting out of the house and being with other people and being productive. Crazy! (Even though I do enjoy sitting around reading all day and am sometimes reluctant to let that go. It's just that there's also the small issue of needing money). Even if I didn't get a job, I'd still be connecting with people and being productive because of the coach training. But oh well. What's happening is happening and I'm ready to roll.

Update

I signed up for Wellcoaches! I'm so excited. Even though I still have about 5 weeks until the first class, I already did the homework for it. Read chapter 1 in the Coaching Psychology Manual, listened to some recorded coaching sessions, took some notes on fundamentals such as assessments, creation of a vision and 3 month plan, and weekly goals. It's awesome so far. Also started reading Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Other stuff? Just job-searching. When I don't have anything in my planner, my mental recitation of things to do is “job search, read, walk.” I have done some other tasks this week like shopping, scheduling an annual check-up, drafting some letters not related to job search...and this weekend is a movie I've been looking forward to that I want to see. So things are pretty good. 

One funny thing I've noticed about myself is that if there's something I know I'll need to do soon and I have time to do it right away, I'll want to do it even if it's kinda early. That's because I don't always like having things hanging over my head. I tend to have this crazy thought of “what if I'm busy later?” It's kinda silly I guess. This rule doesn't apply to ALL tasks, just fairly easy ones. But even that begs the question “if they're easy tasks, what difference does it make if you're busy later or not?” Lol. Sometimes when I don't have a lot going on, I fear what life will be like when I do get a lot going on – even though 9 times out of 10, things are perfectly fine (and sometimes better) when I have a lot going on. Weird. So sometimes when I don't have a lot going on, I have to pretend I do to keep from going crazy. I have to simulate certain experiences. I guess that's not so crazy. But I thought it'd be interesting to mention because it's one of those things I always think about but have never written about.

Some challenges

I try not to write about negative things because focusing on them can sometimes perpetuate negativity; whereas focusing on the positive can perpetuate, or bring about positive things. But I need to clear my head right now. And there are a couple things swimming around in it. First is my unemployment situation. That, in itself, isn't necessarily a doomful thing because I am hopeful and it hasn't been THAT long since I finished school. And having wide open days where I don't have to be anywhere isn't a bad thing either because I can always find ways to stay busy. But when I don't have a lot going on, that's when my health takes up a bigger spot in my consciousness. It becomes harder to maintain because I'm thinking about it more. I don't know why the lack of being busy with a job would pose a threat to my health, but it does. And I've had to battle with that intermittently for many, many years.

You know what else is kind of funny? Sometimes I hesitate to start a new book or something that I know will take my attention because I fear having to put it down and I want to instead be ready for any new job opportunity at the drop of a hat. But how long can you “be ready” without something happening before you start going crazy? That's something else I'm kind of experiencing right now. But I'm poised to sign up for the next WellCoaches training which is in Sept (but whose sign-up date for a small discount is in a few days). I know it will benefit me and it is literally one of the only things I have to look forward to right now, so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna do it. Should I reiterate that part about “one of the only things I have to look forward to”? I'm always looking to self-improvement and professional development as the main sources of my happiness and fulfillment in life. Other people may have hobbies or social lives or something. While I do have hobbies (reading!), my home life sucks. This is the EIGHTH YEAR that I've been under my parents' roof since coming home from L.A. There are days every now and then (like today) when it just grates on me and strikes every nerve. When I can't get any peace and quiet while trying to work, when I have to stop what I'm doing because I can't concentrate with the distractions, when I don't have the freedom to do what I want when I want. I mean, I have more freedom than when I was a kid, but it's still not the same as me living on my own. And this is actually a good example of something about which complaining will do no good. And something that's theoretically in my control to change. But like I said, every now and then you just have to clear your head, let off steam.

The final thing I have to vent about today is the job I left. In my last post I talked about leaving with no hard feelings. But it's really more a case of sweet words and dispositions on the outside masking something very different on the inside. I can't say I'm totally surprised, but they're screwing me by not giving me my paycheck that's way overdue. I know she had it the day I left, so the horseshit she's feeding me now about “waiting for the money to clear with the accountant” is an outright lie. Just like every other word that ever came out of her mouth. That's why I left. But now I am so fired up that I'm going to file a complaint with the department of labor and hopefully that will do something. She's one of the most incompetent people I've ever met in my life.

Okay, I think that's everything for now. Maybe I can try to salvage the rest of this day and hopefully survive the weekend of company and have a better week next week.

An ending

Oh, how I was tempted to write more between my last post and now. But I held off because I knew that in the midst of eventfulness, it'd only make sense to wait until it calmed down. And now I think it has. Basically, my job kept morphing from day to day. That, in itself, isn't always a bad thing, but other important things need to be in place in order for it to be okay. And things weren't in place. Starting with company services (the third bullet point in my list from previous post), the agenda went from us providing services directly to clients, and then to us not even having our own clients but training other people on how to do what we WOULD'VE done ourselves but decided not to. Then it went to us trying to get other people to start a business like the one we would've had. I just wasn't comfortable with that. In fact, there are a slew of other things I could mention that contributed to my decision to walk away, but I don't know if it makes much sense to go into it. So maybe I won't. But it took a lot of courage for me to finally make a graceful exit. Even though I was feeling frustrated, I didn't want to show it because I hate leaving things on a bad note. And so I'm glad I was able to articulate that the job just didn't feel like a match for me and there were no hard feelings. Now it's time to pick up the pieces and move on.

Update, agenda, etc.

Back in the days when I worked for a direct mail company, I wrote blog post upon blog post about daily tasks because they'd constantly build; when you have a lot of things to keep track of like that, writing about it (at least for me) provides an extra measure of organization. I find myself in a similar position now with the health and wellness company I'm trying to help get off the ground. There are now clearly distinct areas that need to be focused on (and for which I've designated separate areas in my folder). They are:

• Sales stuff – literature & info about companies (including the Tampa Wellness Council) that I'm trying to inform the team about (as well as event dates)
• Certification stuff – specifically the WellCoaches training that I want to do and need to talk with my boss about. She keeps talking about having us get certified for all these different things, but this one (which is probably more rigorous than the ones she has in mind) is the one I want to do and I hope I can convince her to just let me do that one.
• Company services, i.e. designing the programs we're going to implement (mine being weight management). This is where I think the coach training will come in handy. Could I still work with clients beforehand and does she have a plan for what she wants me to do with them already? Probably, but she's asking us to contribute our thoughts to the process and have a hand in creating things. So we're not just employees, but partners. That's one thing I like about the job despite the uncertainty.
• Tax stuff – the newest addition to the agenda which I hadn't accounted for but need to now. Not only will I have to file quarterly, but there's a lot of extra stuff she's having us do that requires a lot more paperwork and a lot more learning on my part. It's like another class in itself that she said she'll set aside time to work with us on.

So now that I've got this stuff delineated in my head, I hope we can tackle them in an organized fashion / cooperative manner. In my first week, we spent a lot of time learning about the company and the boss's vision. In the second week that continued somewhat, but we also had to 'let the dust settle' as people made decisions about whether this was the right place for them, etc. Now that we have our small team together, I just want to start really being productive. I think the others feel the same. I'm praying this works out because sometimes you encounter things that seem too good to be true and then that ends up being the case. Promises are made and you keep chugging along in the hope that you'll get a payoff and then you don't or you end up costing yourself money because after all the energy you put forth and the hope you pinned on the outcome, it'd be a shame to walk away, ya know? I haven't gotten a red flag to walk away yet, but I'm nervous nonetheless. I don't want anything to come up that will make me leave because I'll feel like “damn, I wanted that so bad! And I passed up other more traditional jobs that might've been safer.” I'm praying this works out.

As for my digestive stuff, I've had a few good days of feeling better, mysteriously. And I've gotten a nice break where if I want to schedule doctor appts, I have 2 week days per week free to do that (for the time being) without missing work. Something I wrote down the other day that I don't remember if I mentioned on the blog was that I always hated not knowing when I'd get to eat or when I'd get to move around, and that may have partly contributed to my disordered habits. I still don't always know when I'll get to do those things, but somehow they're working out with me sort of going with the flow of things. Going with the flow doesn't always equate to some great compromise the way it somehow used to for me. And that's a good thing.

As for my reading that I do for myself on my own time, it may take a bit of a backseat at the moment, but that's okay. (The reading for myself includes both 'pleasure' pleasure and 'educational' pleasure...fiction and memoirs related to health, plus online discussion forums and support groups that I mentioned in my last post). I checked out one forum and one book related to it so I can sort of check it off as having been done and don't have an urgent need to continue with it or make it part of my normal schedule. But the other, like the 'pleasure' pleasure reading, is still on the plate for consumption if I ever get to it. But my job / work comes first. I used to think I could relate some of it to work (eating disorder stuff), but as engaging as that subject still is to me, it's second to my coaching clients in real life who don't have eating disorders (that's relegated to psychologists and I'm not a psychologist). And since I don't think my personal health situation is at the forefront right now (and since I don't have time), I might scratch in-person support groups off the list completely. If I were really in need of more communication / networking, I'd go for it, but I think I'll be getting enough through my work. I've got co-workers and whoever I happen to come in contact with through marketing our company, my existing family and friends, and maybe my couple former classmates who I could reach out to which I haven't gotten around to in a while. So yeah, I've got a lot going on.

Job and Health Update

Week two of new job finished. It's hard to know where to start when writing about it because things are still kind of speculative / in the birthing stages. In other words, it's not simply a new location but more like a new business that's just getting off the ground. And along with that is figuring out exactly what is going to be happening on a daily basis and how things are going to happen. Especially when there are so few of us running the place. We're going to need a lot more staff (for specific things like medical billing, nursing assistants, sales, etc). But for now, it's the owner / doctor, head nurse, office manager, and me. And we're all considered consultants, as we're all going to be working with clients (mine will be in the weight management program). I guess during the past few days we've continued learning about more of the products we're going to be prescribing. One additional modality we covered yesterday was the ionic foot bath. It's basically a cleansing process in which the water interacts with a compound electric current that enables toxins to be released from your body. After your feet soak in it, the water turns different colors, each of which indicates a certain type of toxin being released.

Today we (one of the new hires and I) got to see our first appointment. A client with stomach cancer had come in a few times previously to start treatment. This afternoon he continued with another foot cleanse and a session on the bio-mat. He'll be coming in next week as well. We aren't booked with many appointments yet, although the goal is to eventually get booked up. But we have to be ready for that. For example, having the office set up – some of which got done today.

 

I haven't written about my own health updates since before my last post, but I might as well now. The first round of medicine I took (which I thought was going to be a magical cure as the industry makes it out to be) did nothing for me. I went searching for possible reasons it might not work and came upon some alternative medicines that purported to do the same thing. So my doc prescribed me another one. I'm a little more than halfway through that one, and I'm still not noticing any improvement. I'm really confused and concerned about this. And looking forward to making a follow-up appt in which I say, “okay, what is going on here?” The fact that I'm now working for an alternative health company has not escaped me, and it's sort of an option in my mind. But I guess I'll see what happens.

In thinking about the source of certain medical conditions like mine, psychology still enters the picture. I'm not saying that the condition itself is psychological in nature; it is truly a physical condition. But did a psychological condition lead to a physical manifestation? Again, we learned about that in the video we watched the first day of orientation. But it's interesting. For example, I think my mind controls how much energy I have sometimes. The more I have to do, the more energized I am and the less I have to do, the less energized I am. I think weight issues and GI problems are related. When you don't have a lot to do, your consciousness automatically goes inward and you have to compensate for not having a lot to do. In contrast, when you're challenged, your attention is on the task and the body takes care of itself. There has been evidence that anorexics, when given the opportunity to care for others, focused less on how their bodies felt and more on who they were caring for. It's scientific. The flow theory is scientific as well. The optimal state of being is when one is doing something at which he is skilled but also challenged. When we aren't engaged in this state enough, that's when problems occur. 

I started jotting down my symptoms again this week in an attempt to see if there was a pattern or a difference depending on how much I ate / exercised, etc. I was curious about whether I might feel better if I ignored the discomfort for a bit and just pushed through with 'normal' eating, functioning, etc. For instance, perhaps the things I feel are normal when you're trying to get weight back up? But I'm not really convinced of that because if I ignore the discomfort for too long, it eventually builds up and I have to address it again. And medically speaking, diagnostics do indicate that something is amiss.

Perhaps I could go looking for some networking / educational opportunities again in new / different places than I may have tried before. (I use 'networking' synonymously with 'support' 'cause it sounds cooler, hehe). But it's been a while and I've been through a lot in recent years and I'm eager to keep growing and expanding as much as I can. Especially now that school is practically finished. (One last paper to finish this weekend and I'm completely done!) What's on my plate now is work, possibly the wellness coaching certification still at some point, reading for pleasure when I can (have to keep up with my goodreads list), and getting my health squared away. And whatever educational things that might be tied in specifically with my job. It's a lot, but none of it is anything I don't wanna do. I wanna do it all, and I want to have endless hours in a day to do it!

New job!

I just got hired for a job I applied to! I interviewed for it last week on Monday, got the call on Wed. evening, then started orientation on Tues. this week. It's at a holistic health center that does naturopathy / alternative medicine, and they're just opening a new location (with plans to expand even more). I like being part of things that are just starting up and teams that are close-knit. And I like that my passion and work will finally be combined!

On day one we watched a film about how the body and mind are connected. That was really inspiring. I remember learning about some of it in psychology – about how people in modern society find themselves in the 'fight or flight' mindframe more often than is healthy. It's designed to protect us, but whenever we're in protection mode, it inhibits the growth function of cells and that leads to disease. Even the word disease can be broken down into 'dis' and 'ease,' meaning when we're not 'at ease,' we have disease. How true!

We also started learning about the things the center does / offers. One thing is hydration therapy with kangen water. It's water that you filter through a machine to alter the ph level to increase oxygenation. Pretty fancy. They also do nutrition and weight management, stress management, and pain / disease management (particularly for patients whose doctors have given up or given them a terminal diagnosis). With alternative strategies and reshaping of thoughts, people have overcome cancer, Alzheimer's patients have improved their memory...I'm impressed. Two modalities we learned about yesterday which were completely new to me were pulsed electromagnetic field therapy and bio-mats. The magnetic therapy breaks up red blood cells and enables circulation to improve, and the bio-mats are made with amethyst crystal which provides far infrared rays and negative ions to energize cells.

What will I be doing? Well, a couple of things. Since I have a little bit of experience with biometric screening (thanks to the undergrad exercise testing and prescription class I took), I might do some of that at health fairs. (They'll have nurses on staff to do it at the center). I might be doing some appt scheduling and reception also. But the clinical director liked that I had a wellness background, so she wants to have me work with her on corporate wellness stuff. Details are still being ironed out, but overall I'm excited that I got this opportunity