Some challenges

I try not to write about negative things because focusing on them can sometimes perpetuate negativity; whereas focusing on the positive can perpetuate, or bring about positive things. But I need to clear my head right now. And there are a couple things swimming around in it. First is my unemployment situation. That, in itself, isn't necessarily a doomful thing because I am hopeful and it hasn't been THAT long since I finished school. And having wide open days where I don't have to be anywhere isn't a bad thing either because I can always find ways to stay busy. But when I don't have a lot going on, that's when my health takes up a bigger spot in my consciousness. It becomes harder to maintain because I'm thinking about it more. I don't know why the lack of being busy with a job would pose a threat to my health, but it does. And I've had to battle with that intermittently for many, many years.

You know what else is kind of funny? Sometimes I hesitate to start a new book or something that I know will take my attention because I fear having to put it down and I want to instead be ready for any new job opportunity at the drop of a hat. But how long can you “be ready” without something happening before you start going crazy? That's something else I'm kind of experiencing right now. But I'm poised to sign up for the next WellCoaches training which is in Sept (but whose sign-up date for a small discount is in a few days). I know it will benefit me and it is literally one of the only things I have to look forward to right now, so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna do it. Should I reiterate that part about “one of the only things I have to look forward to”? I'm always looking to self-improvement and professional development as the main sources of my happiness and fulfillment in life. Other people may have hobbies or social lives or something. While I do have hobbies (reading!), my home life sucks. This is the EIGHTH YEAR that I've been under my parents' roof since coming home from L.A. There are days every now and then (like today) when it just grates on me and strikes every nerve. When I can't get any peace and quiet while trying to work, when I have to stop what I'm doing because I can't concentrate with the distractions, when I don't have the freedom to do what I want when I want. I mean, I have more freedom than when I was a kid, but it's still not the same as me living on my own. And this is actually a good example of something about which complaining will do no good. And something that's theoretically in my control to change. But like I said, every now and then you just have to clear your head, let off steam.

The final thing I have to vent about today is the job I left. In my last post I talked about leaving with no hard feelings. But it's really more a case of sweet words and dispositions on the outside masking something very different on the inside. I can't say I'm totally surprised, but they're screwing me by not giving me my paycheck that's way overdue. I know she had it the day I left, so the horseshit she's feeding me now about “waiting for the money to clear with the accountant” is an outright lie. Just like every other word that ever came out of her mouth. That's why I left. But now I am so fired up that I'm going to file a complaint with the department of labor and hopefully that will do something. She's one of the most incompetent people I've ever met in my life.

Okay, I think that's everything for now. Maybe I can try to salvage the rest of this day and hopefully survive the weekend of company and have a better week next week.