On what to pursue for work

It doesn't matter what you do as long as you're the best at what you do. That sort of addresses the quandary from my last post. While it's true that I could still “keep up with the industry” (of health and wellness) even if I worked as a tutor for a living, it might be easier to actually contribute to the industry if I was working in it. (And I don't really see myself contributing to the “learning” industry in the same way. It's simply something that keeps me busy and is something I'm pretty good at). I'm obviously going to keep striving to improve my life situation by whatever means I can. Whatever it ends up looking like will be what it ends up looking like.

Food for thought

Before I mentioned helping myself by helping others. But what if I helped myself through other means and now I don’t have as much of a fire in me to do what it was I thought I wanted? I didn’t anticipate figuring things out for myself. I didn’t anticipate actually being happy in a very set routine where I basically read all day for a living. I know a younger version of myself might’ve hated it. I didn’t used to like sitting still. I needed adventure. I needed human interaction. I needed to feel alive. But my brain is alive when I’m reading. And I have the freedom and control to not be a slave to the chair I’m sitting in. I learned how to make things work for myself, health-wise (or so I think). So if I’m happy doing this, do I still need to help others with their health in order to be happy and feel like I’m making a difference? That is the big question. Does it matter if I’m helping people with writing vs. being healthy? I guess in the health field, there’d be the opportunity to keep up with advancements in the industry. But I could do that on my own as a consumer; I wouldn’t have to be a practitioner to still keep up. And I have my other passions that I keep up with – the publishing and film industries. I don’t have to be (and am not) an author or actor to keep up with those. Simply being a consumer can be fun. As long as your day job isn’t terrible and you’re still helping someone (which would be true for me), then how important is it to want more? I think I could maybe be happy with helping people with their writing OR their health. It’s hard to know sometimes until you’ve actually tried and done it.

Work and Health

I'm still at the tutoring job. After re-reading my previous post, it made me laugh a little because I'm doing those things we're not “supposed” to do – like rewriting things for people, etc. It's just easier that way. And no one's said anything to me about it, so I'm just gonna continue in the groove I'm in. I also have a method – no matter what type of paper it is, I always read for grammar first. If I try to do content while grammar stuff is staring me in the face, I can't do it. I fix grammar first and then I go back and do content. Also, I like how when it comes to writing the summary of my review, it often requires some thought to compose what I want to say. And when I come up with just the right wording, it feels really good and satisfying. Because it came from me. And maybe no one else would've come up with that same thing. I love putting words to page, no matter what it is. Oh, and the fact that someone will read what I wrote to them and be able to improve on what they submitted – that feels good too.

It does still get tiring sometimes. And there is the distraction thing – having to block out the sound of people talking. (On my phone I play music that I have the least attachment to because it blocks out the talking but doesn't distract me the way some music would). And sometimes there's pressure to finish a paper in a certain amount of time. There's a timer at the top of the window that keeps track of how long it takes you to finish. They want us to generally not go over 30 minutes per paper. Now, depending on the length and quality of the paper, that may or may not be feasible. I like it when I do get through papers fairly quickly, but there have been times when I've spent up to an hour on one. And I'm not going to short-change someone by only reading the first few pages, as has been suggested on occasion. I'd rather my work be better in quality rather than quantity. And, of course, when there are hundreds of papers waiting in the queue, that can be stressful too.

But another thing that's good is the freedom and flexibility with the job. Freedom because we can pretty much get up and walk around whenever we feel like it and flexibility because the place is open 24/7 so we can pretty much work whenever we want. I might miss that in the future. But I might have a chance to grow if I get something in health coaching. It's funny to think about growth and advancement, isn't it? How much does it matter if you “get promoted”? Having a certain title, or even an increasing salary, isn't always everything. I've always been more concerned with personal growth. Some people who work day jobs without much chance of growth may still grow outside of work. Or they might grow in their job, regardless of whether or not there's an official “promotion.” I think as a health coach, I'd always be learning by helping people and keeping up with research in the field and I'd be as happy as a clam. And who knows if one day, with my accumulation of knowledge, I might be able to contribute something to the field myself. That, to me, is growth. I don't know what other “title” would indicate career advancement for me. There are wellness coordinators who do program planning and help with the health of a bigger population (as opposed to coaching individuals one-on-one). But even that could be more of a lateral move. It just depends on what you like doing.

What do I like doing? Well, in another life I might've gone into the publishing world. Hell, even working in a bookstore would be fun (I worked in a library once, and I did like that). But I chose to study exercise science when I did because I thought being physically active was the missing piece in my life. And I've since discovered maybe it wasn't. Because I think I changed my eating habits and lifestyle to accommodate the non-physical work I was doing enough to not NEED exercise the way I thought I did. This may seem blasphemous. But if you think about it, when people are starving, they conserve energy by not exerting themselves as much, right? Not that I'm a starving person; I'm just using it as an example to make a point that it's about energy balance. People think they need to exercise to stay in shape. To an extent, that's true. Everyone needs SOME physical activity. But do what feels good to you. Listen to your body. Get enough sleep. Tap into your intuition and things will be good.

Is my intuition working for me? Am I healthy? Well, I'm a work in progress like anyone else. And this sort of goes back to the topic of what it is I like doing. I like figuring out how to help myself. And that sort of led to helping others with health. We're all on the same journey, aren't we? Trying to figure out the best lives for ourselves, figuring out how to be our best selves. And if helping others helps me, then I can say I've succeeded.

I can't really remember what I've mentioned regarding my own health, but why not recap a little? Two things that have affected me have been being underweight and having issues with digestion. In attempting to address these things, I've come across possibilities such as SIBO, leaky gut (when the intestinal lining is compromised), impaired motility, low stomach acid, vitamin deficiency, IBS. I've seen my regular doctor, GI doctors, a dietitian, and counselors. Often, it's hard to pinpoint something specific. Sometimes it's beneficial to approach things from the perspective of integrative / functional / holistic medicine, which aims to treat “the whole person” rather than “symptoms.” (I know there's a lot of debate over that versus traditional medicine but I advocate for both). I've tried probiotics (some, not all), enzymes (just a sample because they're really expensive), vitamin supplements, and recently an SSRI. I was really hesitant about that last one because I don't have depression, but this specific one also treats OCD and bulimia. I don't believe I have either of those things exactly...if anything I'd diagnose myself with EDNOS. (Actually, I think it's called something else now but I forget what it is). I've even read some things that suggested this SSRI as a last resort for people with IBS. Popular conception says it's supposed to make you feel things less. I think mostly they mean feel emotions less, but could it also mean feeling physical symptoms less? Could higher serotonin somehow improve digestion? The brain and the gut are, after all, tied extremely closely together. I'm very curious about that. I had gotten a few injections of vitamin B12 before starting on the OTC supplement version I'm taking now, and I recall feeling better with the injections. But they were expensive. I don't know if having them again would be my fix. Or if trying a prescription strength probiotic would be. It's a continuous effort to find your optimal functioning sometimes. But you keep trying, you keep learning.

Little bump in the road, but still going

Things have been going a lot differently than planned. The coaching job I was so excited about in my last post fell through. I had a few more interviews after that, and they didn't come through either. The time came when I had to look for any job in the world that would give me a paycheck, whether it was in the health field or not. I really thought I'd be luckier than that. I did not want to be a person who got a graduate degree that she wouldn't use. (An undergrad degree that I didn't use? Fine. But TWO degrees and neither of them is used? Come on. I know it happens, but seriously, come on). Anyway, I just started a job editing English papers for students. It's something that's sort of up my alley, considering my writing background. And it's something that's totally absorbing (which I haven't had in a while and am glad for). And it's challenging. That's because I'm really not supposed to just “edit.” Or rewrite things. Or correct things. As much as I want to. Being a tutor, I'm supposed to note certain things and explain what the problem is without giving the answer. It doesn't sound hard, but it is. Especially when you can't even address everything that's wrong in a paper. You have to address the “higher order concerns” first. Then if you see something that recurs throughout the paper, you note it the first couple times and then hope that they search the rest of the paper on their own for more cases of the mistake. Yes, writing is something I enjoy, so the job is good in that sense. But when you can't necessarily do things the way you want and you have to follow certain protocol and meet deadlines, that can take some of the enjoyment out. And it does get tedious.

Basically, what I've been turning over in my head is the question of whether I did the right thing in going back to school in an attempt to change careers or whether I could have found something like what I'm doing now and been satisfied with an okay job. I think I did what I had to do. I had to get out and explore something else that was interesting to me because I felt stuck. And I'm still going to try to get something I went to grad school for. (My job now is part-time so I can keep looking).

If I'm lucky and do get a health coaching job, will I face a similar issue with the writing / editing thing? Where in theory it's something I enjoy but in the workplace it becomes less enjoyable for whatever reason? I don't know, but I can't worry about that sort of thing. Not yet, anyway. I have to be of the mind that I still have something to offer, something to contribute in that field. And it has a lot to do with the details and questions I asked myself about other jobs I had (including the one I have now). Like are you at your optimal health when you're doing something that's “okay”? Is it a matter of simply being busy? Is it about being challenged? What about freedom and structure in the workday? Are you okay with sitting for most of it and just moving around on breaks? Is it better to have something that's project-based rather than meeting some sort of quota? To have something where you do the same thing all day or where you have a variety of tasks? When I made the decision to leave the types of jobs I had (which were mostly doing the same thing all day – which can be good and bad) I was sort of investing in the idea that I'd get to explore those questions with people for a living. And figure it out for myself in the process. (I know it might be a little bit of a stretch to connect health and wellness with that stuff when mostly it's connected to nutrition and exercise. But I'm connecting it all. I'm interested in it all. So whatever). So I guess the bottom line is that I'm good with what I'm doing. I didn't expect that I'd be doing an unrelated job again while I continue to look for what I really want, but sometimes that's just the way of the universe.