Another check-in (mostly work & coach training part 3)

I'm getting to like doing weekly updates now because I have enough going on that I have stuff to say. Tonight is lesson 6 of coach training and tomorrow starts week 5 of my job. I had a normal weekend this weekend (yesterday and today off). Yesterday I read more from another YA novel I started a few weeks ago (it takes that long when you only have time to read a chapter or two every now and then) and I visited my grandma...it was a really nice day. (I didn't have any coaching lesson to study because I did it Monday when I was off and next week is another practice session with no prep materials). Today I'm kinda relaxing too, but then I have a couple phone calls this afternoon with my learning partners and class at 7. Then it's back to work tomorrow.

I guess I could talk a little more about the details of my work since I haven't done that yet. So my company acts as the face of different companies through which people get their insurance. We're kind of the middle man between the companies and the gov't agency that they (the insurance companies) have to submit the applications to. I work on the applications for 4 companies, 2 of which offer prescription drug plans and 2 of which offer plans that cover doctor, hospital, and prescription drugs. So basically everyday I get assigned a number of incomplete applications to research. Sometimes I'll have to call the applicant for information, sometimes it just involves searching databases, sometimes the issue can be resolved and sometimes it can't (in which case, the application gets denied). Either way, I have to make notations in the system and on the spreadsheet that lists all the applications I've worked on.

It's sort of interesting when you get different scenarios, but there is some repetitiveness to my days in an overall sense. I think that's one of the most trying aspects of any job. If you have to do the same thing over and over, it wears you down. It's better when you can grow from day to day or learn new things. Is that possible when you're bound by a particular profession that you practice everyday? Sure. For example, if I'm coaching clients, I might be doing the same activity, but each client would be different and each conversation would offer new insights. Or if I were a book editor, I'd be reading everyday, but I'd be reading different things. There are lots of possibilities. When you're in a job that doesn't offer those possibilities, your mind sort of starts to look for little differences that don't really matter. Like whether you worked for a longer period of time before taking a break or for a shorter time. You wonder what the best pattern is and whether it's good or bad if you stray from it. Will you feel just as good doing things one way versus doing them another? One of the great things in life is not having to decide things like that and just letting individual circumstances dictate what you do. But it's hard sometimes when you have to work within a certain structure. I'd say my job now offers a little more autonomy than others I've had in the past, but it still has the set hours and the feeling that I have to constantly monitor how I'm feeling physically. How I feel physically is the measure of a good day for me. Is that abnormal or neurotic? Most people probably don't have to “monitor” the way I do or be as mindful as I feel myself being, but the only reason I do it is because I don't have the other challenges I just mentioned about personal growth and change from day to day to distract me. Right? If I had them, would I still fixate on the little things I fixate on now? It's a question I'm still exploring (and one I feel I've been exploring my whole life). In my last post I mentioned feeling lucky that things were going pretty well for me physically, but should it always feel like luck if things go well?

On to coach training. (By the way, there might soon be a segue from the stuff I just mentioned to my coach training because we will be talking about our own personal wellness visions again in the near future. But we've been focusing more on coaching skills lately). Last week we honed in on the nonviolent communication thing I mentioned in my last post. We were put into pairs a couple times during the class to practice discerning when an observation was being made and when an evaluation was being made (by the client). I think the point of that tool / skill, though, is for us as coaches to have a better handle on when WE make observations vs. evaluations. We also combined steps 2 and 3 of NVC in another exercise where we identified feelings and needs in the client. We used a template for an empathy reflection that involved saying “It sounds like you're feeling ___ because your need for ___ is /isn't being met.” Both of those exercises were kind of challenging. They don't sound challenging when you think about them, but like I said in my last post, doing them in practice is often different than simply thinking about them / comprehending them.

Another valuable nugget I gained from the class that I thought I understood but which really clicked when the instructor said it was the reason to avoid sympathy. Being sympathetic is a natural human tendency, but when you express sympathy, you're making things more about you than about the client. You're essentially saying “I know how you feel because ___ (insert whatever it is that makes you identify).” Does that really help? Likewise, showing pity is bad because it victimizes the client. (“You poor thing.”) Empathy, though, is when you restate the client's situation to show you understand (or are trying to). That's what we're supposed to focus on in coaching. 

Perhaps I'll wait til next week to discuss tonight's lesson (so each post will sort of re-cap the lesson from the previous week). But just to preview a little, it's on appreciative inquiry. And the field of positive psychology. Martin Seligman made a good statement in his TED talk that we had to watch. He said “increasing happiness is different from relieving misery.” Hence the growth of the field. In earlier days, most of psychology's focus was on curing the mentally ill. Now it encompasses so much more. Because psychology IS more than just that. Amen!