Update

I had an interview for the internship I applied to which went pretty well. This week I applied to a few others and have a second interview lined up (via phone). It's a little scary to think about doing real-world stuff with what I've learned in class, but is there really a reason I wouldn't be able to do it? When you frame it like that, it helps, I think. And on the flip side, there's excitement in the idea of getting to have a job that's more than 'just a job.'

How goes the effort to improve my own health? I thought the answers I was seeking would lead to some revelation and/or contribution to the field, but I think that's kind of lofty. To think that I'd know / figure out something no one else knew? Lol. Actually, to have that desire is not shameful. Who wouldn't want to do that? But I'm sort of toning down that expectation / ambition in favor of figuring out what other people may already know that I don't. Maybe the answer is already in existence. I think I have to believe it is in order to start working in the field, period. (I know this is very abstract and vague, but I know what I'm thinking about even if no one else does right now, which is okay).

The week of 2/24 is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I'm gonna try to attend some of the workshops at my school that are being held in conjunction with that. A 'Fit Body and Mind' one about exercise and self esteem and a 'Eat Smart, Live Smart' one about healthy eating and nutrition myths. You'd think that being an exercise science major, I'd know everything already. Like “exercise is good. Do it.” Lol. It's common sense, right? But I'm hoping it will sort of go beyond that. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. I just have to do everything I can to educate myself.

I'll be having some more diagnostic tests in the near future to determine if there are any physical issues impacting me (malabsorption of nutrients? malnourishment?). But I am having a tiny bit of improvement with probiotics. And mentally / psychologically, it's still a grayish area. The fixation on my body (which is more a fixation on how I feel physically rather than how I look in the mirror) is still, I think, maybe a side effect of other things. What other things? That's what's really hard to define. You'd think if things were going well in life, that would decrease the fixation, wouldn't it? I guess life is very variable. I'm curious to see what will happen when my daily routine changes after this semester and what kind of impact that will have. It's all about discovery and moving forward and staying busy!