More sorting

It's funny to think about the word 'nonconformist.' When I was growing up, that meant something to me. But now, it's like, “not conforming to what?” It's silly to think about any particular job as being 'conformist' when there are so many other factors to consider.

Okay, now on to my actual post.

Theatre / film, check. Publishing, check. (Well, not really, but I dabbled / explored). Fitness, check. Those are the things I've tried and moved on from. Public health? Was interested in that for a bit, but it's waning a little. Functional / holistic / lifestyle medicine? Interest in that arose from fitness as well, but it's too broad of a field to say “that's my career.” Doctor, therapist, coach, nutritionist, nurse...there are all kinds of roles within it that you kinda have to decide between. Nutrition / dietetics is an interest, but not strong enough for me to really go into it full-on at this point. Same with psychology. Love mental health, but is it enough? When you're young, you vow that you “love” certain things so much that there's no doubt in your mind you'll ever fail. (Case in point – the two degrees I already got which are being overshadowed by other things). And then there comes a time when you learn from your mistakes of jumping into things just because you think you love them. Maybe they're not total mistakes, but the point is you can't keep investing in one huge endeavor after another with hopes that it's gonna be like the big answer to your life and purpose. I've heard this before (and now it's hitting home). You gather lots of things along the way that contribute to life / purpose. Career counseling. That's the final thing I'd like to mention having an interest in. But no, I'm not going to pursue it full-on. I will keep reading the blogs about it, like I do with publishing and health and other things, but that's it. Because so many of these fields overlap. I like to keep a toe in all of them. Who knows if or when something will come of it, like an idea that lets me either contribute to one or several of them or that enables me to improve my own personal health / life in some way. That is something I'm working on still. Tutoring for work, living with a roommate, living on basically the minimum, but enjoying it so far because I have the essentials I need, time for myself (well, the normal amount), good schedule...which may be more important to me than certain other things. (I say that now, but we'll see). How many jobs have the sort of freedom that this current one gives me? That's why I'm passing over more and more things I see that I might've applied to in the past but don't want to now.

Wellness coaching. Is it too soon to officially say I'm done? Am I in the death rattle? Am I ready to help people with weight loss or healthy lifestyle or whatever it is? I have to be a role model if I'm going to do that. But I don't know if I am, exactly. I don't have all the answers. I thought I did at one point. But if I did, would I be as hesitant to leave my comfortable tutoring job as I am? Would I have the struggle with low weight that I still have? It's something that's still hard to define and I still toy with seeing someone else about it. (I'm more interested in it than in any career, actually. I always had the idea of killing two birds with one stone, combining career with my own issues, but in some cases I guess they have to be separate). I feel like I have ideas about the causes / solutions to what I'm dealing with, and if I could confirm them, then I feel like I could help others. But I haven't confirmed them yet. But I need and want to, and it's such a lifelong process, it seems. So right now when I think about the benefits of continuing to tutor for my job vs. taking another job (which I said I was in the death rattle of, but one other thing popped up recently and my reaction was actually 'damn it,' lol) it seems kind of inconsequential. Before, I might've thought, “yay, a job in my field, a chance to grow in life and purpose, etc.” But now, after writing this post, career has become less important to me. Because the growth I'm seeking may not come from that. It might come from other sources instead. So bloody hell.