It's funny to think about the word
'nonconformist.' When I was growing up, that meant something to me.
But now, it's like, “not conforming to what?” It's silly to think
about any particular job as being 'conformist' when there are so many
other factors to consider.
Okay, now on to my actual post.
Theatre / film, check. Publishing,
check. (Well, not really, but I dabbled / explored). Fitness, check.
Those are the things I've tried and moved on from. Public health? Was
interested in that for a bit, but it's waning a little. Functional /
holistic / lifestyle medicine? Interest in that arose from fitness as
well, but it's too broad of a field to say “that's my career.”
Doctor, therapist, coach, nutritionist, nurse...there are all kinds of
roles within it that you kinda have to decide between. Nutrition /
dietetics is an interest, but not strong enough for me to really go
into it full-on at this point. Same with psychology. Love mental
health, but is it enough? When you're young, you vow that you “love”
certain things so much that there's no doubt in your mind you'll ever
fail. (Case in point – the two degrees I already got which are
being overshadowed by other things). And then there comes a time when
you learn from your mistakes of jumping into things just because you
think you love them. Maybe they're not total mistakes, but the point
is you can't keep investing in one huge endeavor after another with
hopes that it's gonna be like the big answer to your life and
purpose. I've heard this before (and now it's hitting home). You
gather lots of things along the way that contribute to life /
purpose. Career counseling. That's the final thing I'd like to
mention having an interest in. But no, I'm not going to pursue it
full-on. I will keep reading the blogs about it, like I do with
publishing and health and other things, but that's it. Because so
many of these fields overlap. I like to keep a toe in all of them.
Who knows if or when something will come of it, like an idea that
lets me either contribute to one or several of them or that enables
me to improve my own personal health / life in some way. That is
something I'm working on still. Tutoring for work, living with a
roommate, living on basically the minimum, but enjoying it so far
because I have the essentials I need, time for myself (well, the
normal amount), good schedule...which may be more important to me
than certain other things. (I say that now, but we'll see). How many
jobs have the sort of freedom that this current one gives me? That's
why I'm passing over more and more things I see that I might've
applied to in the past but don't want to now.
Wellness coaching. Is it too soon to
officially say I'm done? Am I in the death rattle? Am I ready to help
people with weight loss or healthy lifestyle or whatever it is? I
have to be a role model if I'm going to do that. But I don't know if
I am, exactly. I don't have all the answers. I thought I did at one
point. But if I did, would I be as hesitant to leave my comfortable
tutoring job as I am? Would I have the struggle with low weight that I still
have? It's something that's still hard to define and I still toy with
seeing someone else about it. (I'm more interested in it than in any
career, actually. I always had the idea of killing two birds with one
stone, combining career with my own issues, but in some cases I guess
they have to be separate). I feel like I have ideas about the causes
/ solutions to what I'm dealing with, and if I could confirm them,
then I feel like I could help others. But I haven't confirmed them
yet. But I need and want to, and it's such a lifelong process, it
seems. So right now when I think about the benefits of continuing to
tutor for my job vs. taking another job (which I said I was in the
death rattle of, but one other thing popped up recently and my
reaction was actually 'damn it,' lol) it seems kind of
inconsequential. Before, I might've thought, “yay, a job in my
field, a chance to grow in life and purpose, etc.” But now, after
writing this post, career has become less important to me. Because
the growth I'm seeking may not come from that. It might come from
other sources instead. So bloody hell.
