I've had several more internship
interviews but haven't gotten a 'yes' yet. Still waiting to hear from
my top choice. Thinking about what to do if I don't get it (or any of
the corporate wellness ones). Or what to do if I get one and discover
afterwards that I might be better at promotion or coaching (the two
things I like that don't include the fitness testing and teaching
group exercise – which are duties in the corporate setting). I have
to talk to my professor again and see if it's feasible to go straight
into those things without first doing the corporate stuff.
I think in an old post I may have
mentioned that I thought being in a new field of study (that I
enjoyed) would cure me of whatever problems I may have been having
with my body. And that it had turned out not to be true. But they say
eating disorders are often a way of coping with some other issue. If
my other issue wasn't being unhappy with my life direction (which I
was), then what was it? I don't think there was anything else. I
think the main thing is for me to keep pushing forward with the new
career and see what happens. My eating behavior isn't as abnormal as
I thought it was (contrary to what some may think) because I've been
doing food logs with the nutritionist. I used to hate doing those,
but now I find myself saying 'I should write that down' whenever I
eat. (As if I didn't already have enough to occupy my mind, right?)
But I feel like it's for a reason, so I do it. And it doesn't mean
I'll have do it forever. If it turns out I have any physical/medical
issues, then they're the only thing I think I'll have to deal with
from now on. (And if I don't have any, I won't have anything to deal
with). I know that sounds crazy and I'm not saying I didn't
legitimately have mental struggles (everyone has some, after all).
Just saying that they'd probably have to be worse in order for me to
get anything more out of treatment. Which I guess is good. At least
that's where I am right now, anyway.
